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food
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Burger Pickin' / Lenny's Burger
Another burger review, Maria? Yes! I am the burger queen! Even though, truly, after I eat a nice juicy piece of medium cooked meat pl...
Another burger review, Maria? Yes! I am the burger queen! Even though, truly, after I eat a nice juicy piece of medium cooked meat plus french fries my body feels as though it is not long for this world... Like all that fat, grease, and salt is slowly congealing somewhere in my system, just waiting to take me out while I innocently climb a flight of stairs.
Anyway.
Lenny's Burger
. What a place!
I think there are a few of these in and around the Phoenix area. We visit one in a strip mall, tucked in between Smoothie King and a Chinese restaurant. I've been longing to visit this joint for a while, mostly because from the outside it looks like classic rock is blasting out of some boombox in the kitchen, the walls are all shiny, and I imagine groups of kinda bad school children hang out there for hours, plotting. (Honestly, I'm sort of imagining
this
, but with more high schoolers and less murder).
We show up an hour before they close, hungry and kind of excited. Our plan is to eat dinner here and then go home and watch a Christmas movie, to get in the spirit of December. Lenny's seems to be on board with this plan; tiny speakers in the ceiling play Rat Pack classics all night long. No classic rock today! There was, however, a group of people (of varying ages, but
a few
of them could have been in high school!) posted up in a corner of the restaurant.
At this point, I'm metaphorically rubbing my hands together, pumped that everything is going well. This place is also super photogenic; it's all shiny walls and neon signs, checkerboard floor and bright red cushions.
We order our food, and before I can say
wow, the floor in that corner over there is naaaasty
, our food arrives and we're diggin' in. Lenny's Burger does not disappoint! I don't remember if I ordered my Garlic Mushroom Burger (hold the cheese and the mayo) medium, but it sure is. (This is a good thing). Charlie ordered The Single Burger,
for people who hate their wives and wish they were single
, which he deemed "Okay."
Final verdict? Charlie would choose
Whataburger
over Lenny's Burger, but so far, Lenny's is my favorite greasy, fast food-style burger. Keep in mind, we haven't yet reviewed more popular fast food spots like In-N-Out, or Shake Shack, so lets consider this a
low bar
. Regardless, I'd stop in Lenny's for a rave party
any
day! (No one cares about my club kid references, I know, but I need to include them in order to feel special).
/
Other misc. notes
Lenny's is divided into halves, and we sat on the less populated half because we are misanthropes, obviously. Halfway through our meal, a Lenny's employee separates our half of the shop from the other half by way of a white chain stretching across the room. In the end, we had to slip under the chain in order to leave. Cute!
A man entered shortly after we did and had the great courtesy to have a very loud, almost unintelligible Bluetooth headset conversation with a buddy of his (and
you know
he's the type of dude who calls his friends BUDDY) while he ate his burger. Nice aesthetics!
We went home and watched
Scrooged
, a 1988 Christmas movie starring William Murray. One of the worst movies I have ever seen. That is all.
/
Score Card
Restaurant Aesthetics: B
Customer Service: B
Logo Design: FUCKING
F
. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!! (Although it does look a bit better as a neon sign).
Music Selection: Rat Pack Oldies is always an A.
Cleanliness: B-
Bathrooms: Did not go
Taste: C+
Overall: C+
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Burger Pickin' / Burger Factory
Burger Pickin' is a series where I eat at a burger joint and then rate it. Leave no sesame seed bun left un-turned! / It's ...
Burger Pickin'
is a series where I eat at a burger joint and then rate it. Leave no sesame seed bun left un-turned!
/
It's been a while since I
last reviewed
a burger, so here we go!
We drive past the Burger Factory all the time and always comment that it has Mexican Food! Gyros! and Burgers! and that we should in fact eat there
tonight
. But we only did that for real
last
night.
This place is U G L Y outside, but I was ready to party with all those neon signs inside. They have like 800 different menu items ranging from a pork tenderloin sandwich (YAS) to jumbo shrimp. We both got burgers, though, because um OBVIOUSLY this is a
burger
factory.
I don't know why the logo on the menu is different than the logo on the giant sign outside, but I definitely enjoyed the design of the menus and thought it perfectly captured the ~aesthetic of this factory in a cute (but not too cute) way. I ordered an avocado burger, hold the 1000 island (wtf?????) and Charlie ordered a sourdough burger. Then I made the mistake of going to the bathroom.
Holy hotcakes the entire bathroom situation is a disaster. First of all, when you push the door with the word 'bathroom' on it, you're greeted by an ominously lit hallway with unexpectedly high ceiling. Like the ceiling in the hallway was 100 times taller than the ceiling in the restaurant proper. The hallway itself curves into darkness, which is
terrifying
and once you actually make it into the bathroom, it's just what you would expect a bathroom located in this back alley of a hallway to look like. I'm not describing it. This is a review of the
food
, not the bathrooms, but goodness gracious remind me to
never
empty my bladder there again.
ANYWAY. Our food came out pretty quick, and we sat in a booth backlit by the pleasant gradient of the sunset outside. Nice! The burgers come wrapped in paper to minimize the mess, but my avocado didn't like to be told what to do and went everywhere. I wasn't a fan of the extreme hot/cold contrast (hot burger patty, cold tomato and lettuce) but other than that it went down alright. I would normally say that this is a forgettable burger, but I probably won't forget that I don't want to eat it ever again. It was pretty meh.
So the burger factory ain't so good with the burgers. That pork tenderloin sandwich, though? I might have to go back for that.
/
Score Card
Restaurant Aesthetics: C-
Customer Service: B
Logo Design: B-
Music Selection: It was playing so softly I didn't hear it.
Cleanliness: B-
Bathrooms: D-
Taste: D
Overall: C-
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Burger Pickin' / Whataburger
Burger Pickin' is a series where I eat at a burger joint and then rate it. There will be no sesame bun left un-turned. / What a ...
Burger Pickin'
is a series where I eat at a burger joint and then rate it. There will be no sesame bun left un-turned.
/
What a burger, am I right? I had never heard of this fast food chain until moving to Phoenix. I was always attracted to the bright orange, retro logo, but it took me months to finally walk inside. I might never have tasted it, but for a friend visiting who was so intrigued she had us stop in and grab a late night snack. I was full that night and didn't partake, but a few weeks later Charlie eagerly joined me so we could both try a burger.
Syke! I had a chicken sandwich. I don't know why. Does that affect my review? Kind of. I may have to return to actually taste da beef and write about it, but for now, let's just pretend the chicken sandwich actually represents what the burgers taste like. That makes sense, right?
Whataburger looks like all of the fast food places I am used to—at least the ones in the Midwest. Faded, brown, grimy, and depressing. This is not some uppity judgement, just a statement of fact.
You
walk into your nearest Hardee's and tell me it doesn't make you feel like you have seasonal affective disorder.
Anyway, I ordered a Whatachicken sandwich, which is breaded chicken, tomatoes, pickles, and lettuce on a bun. It was
not bad
. Not memorable either, but I'd definitely swerve past the golden arches to pick up another one of these during a road trip/bout of depression.
The fries were fine. Normal.
Not bad.
I honestly have nothing else to say. I hated eating inside of this place, though. It sucks. Not surprising, but it does. I just stared at the picture below these paragraphs and realized that one of the guys in the photo noticed I was being Terry Richardson and covered his face. Or maybe he was just trying to shield his eyes from that sunbeam. Who am I to say?
/
Score Card
Restaurant Aesthetics: D-
Customer Service: B
Logo Design: C
Music Selection: Don't remember
Cleanliness: B-
Bathrooms: Did not go
Taste: C+
Overall: C+
Read more
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